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BatiGol Weekly 90: All cleaned out

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In which we discuss the bleak length of the season, the nature of fandom, and how at least we’re not fans of the Cleveland Browns.

ACF Fiorentina v Atalanta BC - Serie A
Not as composed as you appear.
Photo by Gabriele Maltinti/Getty Images

I’ve got friends who like terrible sports teams. Heck, our own AWMiller15 supports both Sunderland and the Cleveland Browns, which seems like a violation of the Geneva Convention. I’ve known die-hard fans of the Buffalo Bills, the New York Jets, the New York Knicks, and the San Diego Padres. When looking at those sadness factories, being a Fiorentina fan makes me feel downright chipper.

Then I rewatch the Chievo match and I don’t feel so chipper because holy smokes was that unpleasant. I seriously doubt that the Viola are in danger of relegation: Hellas Verona, SPAL, Crotone, Benevento, and Cagliari all possess considerably less talent. But this season is going to be really, really long, considering that the overall plan seems to be blooding some new talent, suffering some serious growing pains, and getting ready for next year. It’s like cutting weight before a wrestling match: it’s painful and gross, but not usually dangerous and necessary to make sure you can compete.

But more importantly, this is a great year to ask yourself, “Why the hell do I invest my emotions in this stupid team from a small city in northern Italy? Why does it matter to me so much what all of these dudes—whom I’ve never met and never will meet—do on a big green field against a bunch of other dudes whom I’ve never met and never will meet?” I don’t have any good answers, other than that maybe picking up, like, needlepoint or kite-surfing or something is almost indubitably a better use of your time. Just don’t, for the sake of all that is holy, move on to another sport and pick the Brooklyn Nets or something.

[ed. note: Sorry this is late. Website went out last night, so I had to publish this in the morning instead.]

Poll

What new hobby are you picking up to get you through the season?

This poll is closed

  • 1%
    The tonsorial arts. Except only giving people Bruno Gaspar’s skinny, skinny mustache.
    (1 vote)
  • 39%
    Getting really, really good at being stealthy. Like, Benassi levels of invisibility.
    (20 votes)
  • 13%
    Decoratie cheese-making so I can make a Saponara-shaped one and send it to Pioli as a subtle hint.
    (7 votes)
  • 37%
    Trying to look as steretypically Italian as Marco Sportiello.
    (19 votes)
  • 7%
    Picking up internet writing so I can make something better than this stupid blog.
    (4 votes)
51 votes total Vote Now

Latest news

We’ve mourned Borja Valero, but it’s really time we moved on and found a new poster child for our Facebook page. Cast your vote.

Fiorentina lost. At Chievo Verona. By getting run off the dang pitch. I don’t know why you’d want to relive that, but you can here.

Must read

He got an assist, but he was pretty bad against the friggin Donkeys. What do we do with Cyril Théréau?

After some confusion about the rules governing VAR (is it VAR, or is it the VAR?), we’ve got an explanation of how it all works.

And here is why (the) VAR is good.

A calm and well-reasoned argument for why Stefano Pioli needs more time to get things working in Florence seems more necessary now than ever, so maybe go back and read this and breathe into a bag for a couple of minutes.

Cristiano Biraghi had a very bad day yesterday and reminded us that maybe he shouldn’t be taking free kicks.

Comment of the week

If we’re going to change out the Facebook photo, mark@ opts that we pick a winner. No arguments here.

That’s it for this week, folks. Be excellent to each other.