Inter Milan want to swap 3 shoes and a sandwich for Castrovilli

Gaetano Castrovilli has had perhaps the most impressive season of debutant in Serie A this year. For a player who’d never appeared in the top flight before taking the pitch against Napoli in the opener, he’s been indescribable: not only is he perhaps the best central midfield dribbler in Italy, but he’s displayed a confidence and a aptitude for growth that indicate that he’s nowhere near the player he’ll eventually become. It’s heady stuff for a guy who was a Serie B winger just last year.

As is bog standard for anyone who impresses with Fiorentina, the vultures are already circling. Thus far, it’s all the usual suspects: Juventus, Inter Milan, and Napoli, as well as the Bundesliga’s Borussia Dortmund, have all popped up in the press (albeit not always in the most, hm, reputable outlets) as possible destinations. That’s not what’s remarkable. What’s remarkable is the offer that Inter has supposedly floated.

Nerazzurri boss Antonio Conte and DS Piero Ausilio have made the impressively sharp assessment that Tanino is very good and are likely to submit an offer which may well center around on-loan leftback Dalbert. With respect to Dalbert, who’s been a key player for the Viola this year, he doesn’t impact a game like the former Cremonese man. Too, if Inter decline their option on Cristiano Biraghi, he’d seamlessly fit into Dalbert’s spot next year. And all of that isn’t even getting into the reported handshake agreement the clubs have for the Viola to buy Dalbert. Basically, the Biscione has no leverage.

That said, let’s take a gander at the other very equitable deals Inter could offer.

Tommaso Berni

The 37-year-old goalkeeper was born in Florence has made 9 career Serie A appearances. The last was in 2012, when he allowed 5 goals in 3 matches for Sampdoria. This year, though, he’s already been sent off twice. He’s clearly much better at it than anyone for Fiorentina, who don’t have a player with just a single red card this season. What’s more, all of those players—Dalbert, Luca Ranieri, Marco Benassi, and Milan Badelj—needed to be on the pitch to get sent off. Surely having a guy who’s old enough to be Tòfol Montiel’s dad is worth more than having some midfielder like Castrovilli who just consistently dribbles past multiple defenders, right?

8.5 panettone

What could be finer than Christmas in July, when the transfer window opens? A full eight and a half of the world-famous fruitcakes would really hammer that home, and who doesn’t want the comfort of home and childhood in these troubled times? Wait, is this turning into a Fellini thing now?

Bears

Bears? Bears. Bears? Bears. BEARS? BEARS.

€40 million

According to Pantaleo Corvino, that’d be enough for one of Tanino’s legs and not anything else. Heh.