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I asked my wife to guess the age of every Fiorentina player

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She got some of them dead on. She got others of them, hm, not quite as dead on.

Players of ACF Fiorentina pose for a team photo prior to the...
Ages 17-33.
Photo by Nicolò Campo/LightRocket via Getty Images

I was giggling about this photo of Federico Chiesa on my computer this morning when my wife walked by and asked what the hell was going on. The conversation then turned to how old he is. That sparked an idea in me for some #content, so I sat her down to guess how old every Fiorentina player is.

To be fair, she does not, by her own admission, have any idea what the age range for a professional soccer player is, and she pays exactly zero heed to the Viola or sports in general. She also pointed out that athletes, who generally have thinner faces (not a lot of excess fat on people who routinely run 10 kilometers at work) and really well-sculpted and contoured haircuts and beards, tend to look very different from the general population, which is also correct.

Anyways, the way we did this wasn’t very scientific. I would Google images of the player and she would guess. In the interest of fairness, I’d prompt her a little bit if the pictures were a couple of years old. As a final note, I am 31, and she frequently used me as a reference point. Anyways, here are the results, with the players’ ages in parentheses after their names.

Pietro Terracciano (30): “32.”

Igor (22): “He looks like he’s in his mid-20s but he’s probably 19; I’ll say 25?”

Nikola Milenković (22): “23? I don’t know.”

Milan Badelj (31): “I’m gonna guess 36.” “He’s my age.” “Wow he looks older.”

Franck Ribery (37): “42. That’s probably too old for a soccer player, but if he weren’t a soccer player, I’d guess in his early 40s.”

Gaetano Castrovilli (23): “32, maybe?” “He’s 23.” “Hwaaugh... okay. Wow.”

Christian Kouamé (22): Man, he looks really young. He’s really adorable in that picture. I’ll guess 20.

Riccardo Sottil (20): “He looks really young as well. 20.”

Federico Ceccherini (27): “The mustache makes it hard to tell. I’ll say 31? Watch him be 20 now.”

Rachid Ghezzal (27): This one’s really hard. I feel like without the facial hair, he’d look very young. I’ll go with 27.

Kevin Agudelo (21): “Oh my god! He looks like a little kid. I know this isn’t right, but I’m probably going to guess, like, 16.” “He’s 21.” “Really? “Look that up. Wait. Born in 1998 and he’s 21? Hoo boy.”

Germán Pezzella (28): “Oh gosh, I don’t know. He looks older. 35?” “He’s 28.” “Whoops. Sorry.”

Pol Lirola (22): “I don’t know if I’ve ever looked at men this carefully. I’m going to guess 27.” “He’s 22.” “22? Are you kidding me? He does not look 22.”

Martín Cáceres (33): Okay, he looks older. You know, the hair. 33.

Lorenzo Venuti (25): “26.” “Almost. He’s 25.” “That’s the thing with men. It’s so hard to guess sometimes, you know?”

Marco Benassi (25): “Okay, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna guess 31. I’m guessing he’s your age.” “He’s 25.” “He’s 25? God, I really don’t know men’s ages.”

Federico Chiesa (22): “25? He looks a little younger in some of these.”

Dušan Vlahović (20): “Aw, he’s like little-brother cute. I’m gonna guess 22?”

Dalbert (26): “The neck tats throw me for a loop. He’s like the other guy; he looks like he could be a variety of ages. I’m going to guess 26.”

Patrick Cutrone (22): “Hmmm. Okay. I would guess he’s around our age. I’d guess 31.” “He’s 22.” “WHAT? F**K.”

Bartłomiej Drągowski (22): Ooh, he looks like a scary badger-man. It’s much harder because of the beard. I’d guess 28? You have to show them the picture where he looks like a scary badger-man.” “He’s 22.” “Wow. Okay.”

SSC Napoli v ACF Fiorentina - Serie A
Scary badger-man.
Photo by Franco Romano/NurPhoto via Getty Images

Cyril Théréau (37): “I’m gonna say 30.” (In fairness, the pictures weren’t very good for this one, so I’m giving her a pass.)

Erick Pulgar (26): “Oh boy. He looks 17 years old. Super young. Do they have players that young? Like not out of college.” “He’s 26.” “[incredulous laughter]—He looks so little, like you could just put him in your pocket. I don’t know how tall he is.”

Alfred Duncan (27): “He looks young. 25? He looks pretty young.”

Aleksa Terzić (20): “Oh, he looks young. Did he break his nose? I’m going to guess 22.”


Conclusion: My wife doesn’t know what a 31-year-old man looks like. Happy Sunday, everyone.