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10 reasons why Bobby Duncan chose Fiorentina over Manchester United

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We could have come up with a lot more, but there’s a dog outside we need to go pat.

Liverpool Pre-Season Training Camp
Someone should tell him that the helmet only works if it’s buckled on.
Photo by Andrew Powell/Liverpool FC via Getty Images

As we languish in the years’s first international break, we’re getting treated to real international break news. The latest bit is that new Fiorentina striker Bobby Duncan turned down an offer from Manchester United ahead of his move to Tuscany.

His decision has left a number of English commentators quite puzzled as to why someone would opt for the Viola over the Red Devils, but you and I know better. That’s why we’ve put together a list of reasons.

10. As a former Manchester City and Liverpool player, he didn’t want to disappoint fans by moving to a major rival. This is what you’ll read in the media, but it’s a smokescreen at best for his real reasons.

9. Florence:

Aerial view on town from Piazza Michelangelo at sunset... Photo by Frank Bienewald/LightRocket via Getty Images

Manchester:

Warning asbestos hazard sign on old mill in Ancoats, East Manchester UK Photo by Photofusion/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

8. Tradition. Man U have a history of attackers such as Bobby Charlton, George Best, Wayne Rooney, Dwight York, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Eric Cantona, and Andy Cole. With all respect, none of those try-hards measure up to legends like Marcelo Larrondo, Nacho Castillo, el Tanque Silva, Marlo Pjaca, or Amauri.

7. Why wear red when you can wear purple? Duncan obviously left Pool because he was tired of wearing red, which is the main color for roughly two-thirds of football clubs on the planet. Boring. Fiorentina, though, have that unmistakeable color scheme that nobody else possesses. If you want to stand out a bit, ditch the crimson and go for the Viola.

6. Cuisine. Manchester’s is most famous for fish and chips, which are nice and taste like literally everything else from a deep fryer. Florence, on the other hand, boasts the finest steak in the world. If that’s not your thing, try the papardelle al cinghiale, the tagliatelle porcini e tartufo, or the pappa al pommodoro. Finish up with the schiacciata con l’uva or the cantuccini con con santo. And let’s not even start on the superiority of Tuscan wine to its Mancunian counterpart.

5. If this guy will shell out for a Cyril Therèau shirt, imagine what he’d do for a Bobby Duncan jersey.

4. American ownership. If you’re going to play for a team with an owner from across the pond, you may as well opt for one as charming as Rocco Commisso over a handful of dour thumbs like the Glazer family.

3. Players who’ve chosen Fiorentina over Man U have historically done just fine. Adem Ljajić and Giuseppe Rossi aren’t nothing. Maybe there are others. Maybe not. Don’t trouble us with facts while we’re dealing with truth.

2. “Bobby Duncan” is as boring a name for a Red Devils forward as FIFA 20 can assign to your Career Mode player. But “Viola hitman Bobby Duncan” conjures a excitement, exoticism, an infinite frontier.

1. Again, and we can’t state this enough, Florence > Manchester.