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BatiGol Weekly 107: Deformative

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In which we discuss AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYTHING IS BROKEN SHUT IT DOWN SHUT IT DOWN.

ACF Fiorentina v Spal - Serie A
I got no peace of mind.
Photo by Gabriele Maltinti/Getty Images

Well, it happened. Fiorentina dropped points against 17th-place SPAL. At the Artemio Franchi. To end a 6-match winning streak. That means it’s time to

Giovanni Simeone is terrible and should be replaced with Gabriele Gori or Patrizia Caccamo or possibly a particularly scrappy three-toed sloth. We need to send Aston Villa a very rude letter about how they sold the Viola about an absolute lemon in Jordan Veretout, and find out what their return policy is if his warranty is expired. Federico Chiesa didn’t score, so it’s time to cash in on him and accept that bid from Poggibonsi that comprises of fourteen balloons and a Ziploc bag full of Cheeto dust. FIRE PIOLI FFS!!!!11!1!

Blowing up the project this summer was clearly a mistake, and we shouldn’t have sold off aging assets for the greatest possible return. Alternatively, the pieces Fiorentina acquire this summer at a discount are clearly not good enough, so it’s time to sell everyone and do it all again. The Della Valles need to sell. Also, FIRE PIOLI FFS!!!!11!1!

Because everything is going wrong. The club is going to lose all its remaining matches and somehow get docked 40 points and end up being relegated, then found guilty of financial irregularities and busted down to Serie D, then fold up completely and have to be restarted in the Eccellenza. It’s going to be like the Cecchi Gori years, but a thousand times worse. It’s going to make Artur Boruc’s reactions to Taylor Swift and the Little Mermaid and his idiot neighbor Dan Wykowski and his goober kids and the CORN AAAAAAAAAAAAA IT’S TRYING TO CONTROL US BY CREATING NEW FLAVORS OF CORN CHIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T FALL FOR ITS CLEVER PLOYS BECAUSE ONCE YOU EAT IT THEN YOU’RE PART OF THE CONSPIRACY AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(takes deep breath)

(screams into the void)

(takes another deep breath and...

Latest news

We’re hearing reports that Inter Milan starlet Yann Karamoh is a Viola transfer target. Get the full story here.

Stefano Pioli got a Davide Astori tattoo. Stefano Pioli is our cool dad.

Just as he was finding his feet, Simone Lo Faso broke his leg. It’s a dang bummer.

UEFA just released their most recent set of club rankings, and Fiorentina are the 4th-best club in Italy. Have a look at the full story.

Fiorentina played out a disappointing draw with SPAL to end their 6-match winning streak. Here is our full match coverage.

And with a mid-week fixture against high-flying Lazio looming on Wednesday, here is the hub for all the stuff we’ll be writing about it.

Must read

After nearly all the top teams split points this weekend, this article about Fiorentina’s odds to qualify for the Europa League is still pretty spot on.

We hit a pretty good anniversary this past week: Gabriel Batistuta shutting up the Barcelona fans at the Camp Nou. Weirdly prescient considering what AS Roma did, no?

Eight matches unbeaten. Feels good, but it’s going to end, and we need to figure out what that’ll mean.

With that Europa spot on the line, we asked yall how much playing time Pioli should hand to the youngsters, and as always, yall answered.

Poll

How would you like to see Stefano Pioli get fired?

This poll is closed

  • 7%
    Just a sacking, please. Like, literally put a sack over his entire body and carry him out of the city.
    (2 votes)
  • 25%
    Trebuchet.
    (7 votes)
  • 14%
    Strapped to a rocket, Wile E. Coyote style, and launched through a desert landscape until he catches the Roadrunner or splodes or hits a cliff or something.
    (4 votes)
  • 46%
    Don’t sack him. Just demote him to Cyril Thereau’s personal assistant and let him resign on his own.
    (13 votes)
  • 7%
    Maybe just a pink slip, considering the club’s, er, mixed history with releasing managers who’ve found some success.
    (2 votes)
28 votes total Vote Now

Comment of the week

Yall were on the comments this week, but two stood out and I couldn’t pick between them. First, Nolan KB made the absolutely obvious and logical assertion that, if Fiorentina beat Roma, then

The next day, baelfire revealed that he is basically a wizard, correctly predicting exactly what happened in the Real Madrid vs Juventus tie.

That’s it for this week, folks.