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BatiGol Weekly 103: One step beyond

In which we discuss jokes. Bad jokes. Like, really bad jokes.

Torino FC v ACF Fiorentina - Serie A
Hey you, don’t watch that. Watch this.
Photo by Valerio Pennicino/Getty Images

Sometimes I can think of something fun or interesting to write here. Sometimes I can’t. Right now falls into the second category. So instead, I’m going to hit you with my second favorite stupid joke. I’m not sorry at all.

There’s this duck, right, and he waddles into a bar, hops up on a barstool, looks at the bartender, and says, “So, you, uh, got any grapes?” The bartender, understandably puzzled, responds, “Um, no. No, I don’t think we have any grapes, no. Sorry.” Then the duck hops back down off the barstool and waddles back out.

The next day, at the same time, the duck waddles back into the bar, hops up on the same barstool, and asks the bartender, “So, you, uh, got any grapes?” The bartender, still a little bit confused, answers, “No. No grapes.” Then the duck hops back down off the barstool and waddles back out.

This routine repeats itself for a solid week: the duck waddles in at the same time, hops up on the same barstool, and asks the bartender the same question. After seven days of this, the bartender is starting to feel understandably irritated. So finally, after a week, when the duck hops up on the barstool and asks the bartender, who explodes, “No, we don’t have any damn grapes! We didn’t have any yesterday, we don’t have any today, and we’re never going to have any goddamn grapes. If you walk back in here tomorrow and ask me about grapes, so help me I’m going to nail your stupid webbed feet to that barstool.” The duck descends from the stool and waddles back out.

The next day, the duck walks back into the bar at the usual time and hops up onto the usual barstool, where the bartender eyes him warily. The duck asks him, “So, you, uh, got any nails?” The bartender says, “No, we don’t, actually.” The duck asks him, “You got any grapes?”

Do I regret anything? Yes. So many things. Is this joke one of them? No. No it is not. I bid you good day.

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Since this post is focused on "humor," let’s stick with the subject of funny people: which of these comics is the funniest? Remember, there are correct and incorrect answers.

This poll is closed

  • 3%
    Dane Cook
    (1 vote)
  • 21%
    Mitch Hedberg
    (7 votes)
  • 15%
    Richard Pryor
    (5 votes)
  • 59%
    Robin Williams
    (19 votes)
  • 0%
    Ali Wong
    (0 votes)
32 votes total Vote Now

Comment of the week

Catalogue brought this one out of nowhere, we’re all thankful.

That’s it for this week, folks.