BatiGol Weekly 80: Like Dylan in the movies

Look, I don’t need to prove anything. That goes against what we believe in. I’m doing this because I want to, okay? But look at all the evidence that supports the theory that we’re the Belle and Sebastian listening, thick black-framed glasses wearing, mustache sporting, lightly ironic hipster set of the football world.

1. Our managers are better dressed than yours, even when they step outside the accepted bounds of fashion. Let’s face it: if you saw someone walking down the street wearing a Paulo Sousa turtleneck or Vincenzo Montella hat or heck, even a Sinisa Mihajlovic scarf, you’d assume (correctly, no doubt) that that person had really serious opinions on why William S. Burroughs was a revolutionary genius.
2. Even our players are too cool for the mainstream. Borja Valero eschews the creeping corporate greed inherent to club soccer in favor of a more thoughtful and nuanced approach to the beautiful game. Gonzalo Rodriguez actually gets on stage and plays guitar at intimate live shows. Heck, even Hrvoje Milic—the most straightlaced guy in the squad—writes for Pitchfork sometimes.
3. The team mentality rejects all your established norms. Winning? Any sucker can win; just look at Leicester City. It takes a team with character to look this cool without actually accomplishing anything. Fullbacks? Oh sure, now you’re going to say that you think One Direction is great too.
4. Forget shirts with 1-11. We’ve got dudes wearing 40, 57, 72, and 97. In the past few years, we’ve had 49, 66, 74, and a host of stuff in the 80s and 90s. You wouldn’t get it.
5. We’re actually too cool to even bother with you. Viola fans are famous for eschewing shirtless displays of bravado and mindless dedication in favor of ruthless mocking. The latest example, of course, is when Empoli tifosi defaced their own training ground with grafitti to express their anger that the club sold Riccardo Saponara to their purple Tuscan rivals. The Gigliati, not surprisingly, responded with some stinging off hand comments about the merits of spray paint versus banners, Serie B, and mice and cheese. And there’s more where that came from.

So remember, as you squeeze into those black skinny jeans, that no matter how ridiculous it may seem that you’re cooler than all the other fans, it’s true. Your love for Fiorentina entitles you to that certain sophisticated reserve that comes with asking whether that hamburger is locally sourced or if someone’s ever even heard of Alejandro Jodorowsky. Because knowing and loving Fiorentina as well as you know every one of Steve Aoki’s profile pictures means that you’re pretty dang cool.

Latest news

Fiorentina edged Serie A heavyweights Pescara in an exciting match that was definitely not an indictment of the Viola in any way.

Next up is AS Roma on a Tuesday due to the Six Nations action at the Stadio Olimpico (Italy got pasted 7-33 by Wales), which is totally not a foreboding fixture at all. Nope. Keep up with the ongoing coverage here.

It may be a bit early to think about the Europa League tie with Borussia Monchengladbach, but here is the Viola squad for that matchup.

It seems like months ago that Martin Caceres was rumored to be a Fiorentina target. Spoiler alert: the club didn’t sign him.

Young rightback Gilberto, however, recrossed the Atlantic to join Vasco da Gama in the final move of the Gigliati mercato.

If you want to read back through the unbelievable number of rumors, reports, and flat-out lies that we reported on for this transfer window, then you ought to click here. But again, there’s a lot of stuff in there. If you just want the skinny, we made you a handy recap.

Must read

Those new additions have picked out their squad numbers, too. One of them went the standard route; the other one, eh, not so much.

We take a look at the sudden glut of attacking options now that Riccardo Saponara is in the team. All in all, it’s not a bad problem to have.

Speaking of those attacking options, it sure looks like tying down Cristian Tello makes sense, especially for the relatively tiny fee such a deal would require.

And of course, we couldn’t really ring down the curtain on the mercato without getting the full staff together to discuss, argue, and grade the whole thing.

Comment of the week

Arkadiyyaslynsky posted this at halftime during the Pescara match.

Arkadiyyaslynsky is a goddamned wizard. Don’t mess with Arkadiyyaslynsky.

That’s it for this week, folks. We’ll see you all back here for the Roma match tomorrow. If you have plants, don’t forget to water them.