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A brief list of things ADV may discuss with the squad

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The club president is meeting with his misfiring players in training, and we have an idea what he’s going to say.

Esquire Cocktail Party
Sure is dapper.
Photo by Jacopo Raule/Getty Images for Esquire

Following the drubbing against AS Roma, Fiorentina sure look like they need some extra inspiration. Team president Andrea Della Valle has decided to swing by training and talk to the squad in an attempt to provide it. Through our usual skulduggery, Viola Nation has gotten hold of the notes from his brainstorming session about what how he’s going to inspire the lads.

1. A nice, quick, 2-hour history of the Guelphs and the Ghibellines, with a specific focus on Lombardian politics after the Battle of Cingoli and the rule of Conrad IV.

2. So the Pope, a Lamborghini mechanic, and that guy who’s in that one show on TV, you know, where he seems like a normal guy but there’s also this sort of mysterious backstory about him, c’mon, man, you know which one I’m talking about. No, not Mad Men. No, not Chuck. Dang it, you know which one I mean. Uh, anyways, what were we talking about again?

3. Beads.
Bees?
BEADS.
BEADS?

4. A solid 3 hours of uninterrupted profanity.

5. Not sure where it’s going to start, but it’ll wrap up with, “You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.”

6. A wordless seance to commune with beyond, with Borja Valero’s noggin as the focal point.

7. KEGGER

Of course, that’s just how ADV is planning it. What would you do?