My uncle coined the phrase "karmic whiplash" to describe things going from bad to good and back too quickly for any person to adjust to. I'm going to apply that idea to Fiorentina, because it encapsulates this whole summer perfectly. It's been a summer of "Well, yeah, but..." and "But at least..." and we're ready for the wavelengths to flatten out a little bit, frankly. Having this many feelings is exhausting.
Seriously, though, look at these good thing-bad thing pairs from this summer. Gain promising youngsters (Kevin Diks, Barlomiej Dragowski, Hernan Toledo) but lose promising youngsters (Leonardo Capezzi, Nicolo Fazzi, Diego Peralta). Add solid defenders (Sebastien de Maio, Carlos Salcedo) but lose solid defenders (Facundo Roncaglia, Manuel Pasqual). Ditch a deadweight striker (Mario Gomez) but lose beloved albeit frustrating striker (Giuseppe Rossi). Add quality depth throughout the squad but lose to the Juvenuts. Manage a solid win against Chievo Verona but lose 3 starters to injury. Learn that Chelsea want to buy Marcos Alonso for Felipe Melo money but learn Fiorentina won't sell him unless it's for about 1.2 Felipe Melos.
So Pantaleo Corvino, if you're reading this--and I'm pretty sure you are--cut it out. It's been a confusing summer for Viola fans and instead of helping us get our bearings, you're taking our emotions, throwing them in the dryer, and hitting Spin Cycle. That's not cool, Pantaleo. We need you to get us a little bit of emotional consistency here, because we're barely hanging on.
No new arrivals for two months is pretty bad. But not losing any of the players everyone expected to leave is pretty good. Unable to get rid of Mario Gomez, sure, but suddenly a chance to hang onto Khouma Babacar. An ugly preseason followed by some promising youngsters, but no proven players. Then, out of nowhere, a bonanza of pretty good players: Carlos Sanchez, Sebastien de Maio, Cristian Tello, and Carlos Salcedo, and Sebastian Cristoforo. But then Borja Valero gets hurt and misses the Juventus match, which Fiorentina lose in the most disspiriting fashion possible. But it's okay, because he's made a quick recovery. But instead it's Gonzalo Rodriguez who's picked up a knock. But don't worry, because now there's defensive cover, plus a new midfield signing in Sebastian Cristoforo. Feeling good? Too bad, because Giuseppe Rossi just left for Celta Vigo. But hey, all three points against Chievo Verona. But now Matias Vecino and Ciprian Tatarusanu are hurt. But hey, it's the international break and there's actually cover for them.
Remember back when we thought Davide Zappacosta was a transfer target? Like, nearly a week ago? So much has changed.
And take that previous sentiment and double down on it if you want a snapshot of the Pedro Obiang rumor.
For slightly more current rumors, here's our roundup on the rumblings of a possible Stevan Jovetic return. Warning: may induce feelings of giddiness and euphoria.
It wasn't pretty. In fact, it was ugly. But hey, the Viola got a win against a, er, rugged Chievo Verona side. Here's all of our coverage.
Giuseppe Rossi has been sold to Celta Vigo and we already miss him, if just for 4-2.
Corvino didn't leave us much time to mope, though, since Uruguayan hardman Sebastian Cristoforo arrived from Sevilla in typically ninja-esque fashion at almost the same time.
Chelsea want Marcos Alonso. Yeah, that one. Please tell us how to feel about this.
It's that time of year when your VN editorial staff makes predictions that will look very bad in hindsight.
If you want to relive the tension of the Europa League draw, or if you just like to reread the brilliant and inexplicable comments that show up on this blog, here's the thread.
As a bonus, we'll even let you read over the results, as well as a quick preview before play starts.If you haven't already, join us in wishing Fiorentina a happy 90th birthday, and watch out for whoever's cutting onions in there.
Comment of the week
I think this is the best week ever for comments on the blog. Seriously, yall are funny and sharp and awesome. Too awesome, actually, since I couldn't pick just one comment. So, the first honorable mention goes to James of Melbourne, who found the perfect Federico Bernardeschi celebrity lookalike.
The second honorable mention goes to Catalogue, who gave us Imperator Fioreosa which is my new favorite thing ever on the internet ever and I can't stop laughing at it.
But the big winner is Mike-R, and if you'll excuse me, I need to go grab a handkerchief.
That's it for this week, folks. You're funny and wonderful and great. Don't change.