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Giuseppe Rossi wants to be a gym master

He wants to be the very best like no one ever was.

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Pepito usually does this with a Magikarp.
Photo by Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for TAG Heuer

When you think of Giuseppe Rossi, what comes to mind? His valor in overcoming a litany of knee injuries and Sir Alex Ferguson’s dismissiveness. His almost mystical level of New Jersey-ishness. But above all, his instinctual finishing. So, I feel safe in saying that Giuseppe Rossi is definitely Team Instinct.

For those of you who haven’t picked up Pokemon Go yet, this probably sounds like gibberish. For those of you have, it still probably sounds like gibberish. But we can all agree that, after a couple of ineffective years, Pepito is back as a force to be reckoned with. While some might argue that his newfound form is the result of knees that are fully healthy for the first time in years, and the confidence that goes with the knowledge that one’s joints aren’t going to crumble under the pressure of a strong challenge, a sharp turn, or the exhalation of a gnat, I postulate that the only difference is that Rossi is now playing Pokemon Go.

The unquestioned star of the training and friendlies this preseason, our boy Joey Red has been spotted wandering the mean streets of Moena with his nose buried in his phone, just like every other millennial in the world. This demonstrates a level of confidence we haven’t seen from him in years, as he’s clearly comfortable enough to put himself at risk of walking into a pond or traffic or thin air, as various other Pokemon Go players have. So when Giuseppe Rossi battles every day to claim his rightful place as Capocannionere, we’ll know where that confidence came from.