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BatiGol Weekly 73: House of suffering

In which we discuss rampant paranoia and what’s super-definitely going to go wrong throughout the rest of the season.

ACF Fiorentina v US Sassuolo - Serie A
In this house of suffering, I spiritualogic grinning.
Photo by Gabriele Maltinti/Getty Images

In which we discuss rampant paranoia and what’s super-definitely going to go wrong throughout the rest of the season.Fiorentina have won yet another match by the skin of their teeth, and now look poised to make a run towards the top of the table. For most teams, this would be the mark of a surprising but good turnaround. For the Viola, it signals nothing but suffering, because we all know that this team is too fragile to bear sustained levels of hope for very long without falling apart like

So, with that fact now firmly established, let’s have a look at some of the likeliest events that could send everything sideways.

  1. The Della Valles sack Paulo Sousa and replace him with Delio Rossi, who immediately challenges Carlos Salcedo to fisticuffs. And loses. Badly.
  2. Sousa unexpectedly leads his charges to the top of the table. On match day 38, with the Viola leading Juventus by 1 point, he suddenly whips off his shirt, revealing a Newcastle Junior jersey beneath it, and forfeits the match.
  3. Borja Valero suddenly undergoes a precipitous drop in form, losing the ball in the midfield countless times a game and generally looking feckless. When confronted at the train station, he pulls off his mask and bald cap to reveal another bald pate, but above Houssine Kharja’s face.
  4. Pantaleo Corvino goes back to the well with el Tanque Silva, insisting that he be selected over Nikola Kalinic and Khouma Babacar. Coincidentally, Fiorentina don’t score again for the remainder of the season.
  5. A Crotone-level downpour soaks the pitch against Lazio. Gonzalo Rodriguez, Davide Astori, Carlos Salcedo, Sebastian de Maio, Nenad Tomovic, and Carlos Salcedo all slip and injure themselves during warmups, leaving a back 4 of Federico Bernardeschi, Hrvoje Milic, Borja Valero, and Cristian Tello. They don’t keep many clean sheets.
  6. Nikola Kalinic goes cold again, failing to score in 12 consecutive games. Sousa experiments with de Maio up top. Khouma Babacar and Mauro Zarate continue to ride the bench.
  7. Everything goes perfectly. A second half of the season surge sees the Viola shoot skyward in the Serie A table, passing everyone and eventually finishing in first place. We spend the entire summer chewing our nails to the quick and wondering what’s going to go catastrophically wrong next year.

Latest news

The Viola secured top place in their group with a gritty midweek win at Qarabag that featured some good and not-so-good moments. Check out our full coverage here.

Old friend Papa Waigo N’Diaye is doing a really cool thing back in Italy and talking up how much he loves Florence. Read this, and maybe we’ll throw you a link of the Cool Papa Waigo Dance.

And here’s what we’ve got so far on a harder-than-it-should-have-been win over Sassuolo. Keep an eye on this story stream, because there’s more to come.

Must read

Finally posted the player ratings from the Palermo match. Yeah, remember that one from so many years/weeks/days ago? Peruse them if that’s something you’d like to do.

Last week’s transfer rumors definitely had a theme of "it’s all falling apart" running through them. If you’re an alarmist, maybe don’t read them.

Comment of the week

Maybe it’s the 14 hours of travel time, but I just can’t stop giggling at/worrying about Johnny Bee’s holiday shopping.

That’s it for this week, folks. And don’t worry, we’ve still got a midweek fixture to look forward to.