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BatiGol Weekly 63: Werewolves of Florence


AC Milan v ACF Fiorentina - Serie A
If you hear him howling around your kitchen door, you’d better not let him in.
Photo by Marco Luzzani/Getty Images

Although we’re still a full four weeks from Halloween, Fiorentina are, as always, surprising us with a terror-inducing science experiment. Wait, did we say surprising? Because that’s not quite right either. After all, we’ve seen Josip “Lurch” Ilicic embody this club since his arrival from Palermo three years ago. It’s only logical that the Viola should follow suit and transform themselves into an unpredictable monstrosity, possessed of strengths and weaknesses that are by this point as obvious as the trope of a large man with bolts in his neck.

This monster should be formidable indeed. Originally created by mad scientist buddies Vincenzo Montella and Daniele Prade, the new Dr. Corvinostein and his hunchbacked assistant Paulo Sousa have certainly got the basics down pat. Anyone who inherits a monster with, say, a Gonzalo Rodriguez heart and a Borja Valero brain is doing alright. We thought that the addition of Cristian Tello’s legs and Carlos Sanchez’s muscle would make our monster too strong to be defeated. Alas, we underestimated the difficulty in assembling one’s own monster.

So what meaning can we glean from this failure? If I know one thing about real life, it’s that when the villains create an abomination, it always backfires, and so that means, uh, wait. Hang on. Does that mean that Fiorentina is the villain? Oh man, I need to go reassess some things.

Latest news

Not quite brain-in-a-jar-level, but you know that the transfer rumors grow some weird stuff. Here’s our weekly roundup.

Relive the city-smashing power that Fiorentina displayed against Qarabag in their 5-1 Europa League win.

Maybe don’t relive the not city-smashing power they showed against Torino, though. But you can if you want.

Mauro Zarate’s wife Natalie Weber is winning in her fight against cancer. Best wishes to her, him, and their family.

Comment of the week

We don’t get a lot of posts from Soulex, and that’s a shame, because this is pure gold.

That’s it for this week, folks. No poll because I spent 7 hours driving today and only just got home and may not even be conscious as I type this. Business will resume as usual next week.