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BatiGol Weekly Ed. 10: Sneaky Radiation

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Government officials have no comment on a new sports-related form of toxic gas that is hovering low off the ground in Florence.

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Valerio Pennicino/Getty Images

With something that was neither bang nor whimper, the Italian summer transfer window slid closed, but a pesky outside atmospheric event has already gotten into the Fiorentina house, and there's something about it that is tingling the lungs in a - dare we say it? - cancerous way.

Certainly, the multicolored and insidious low clouds surrounding the Viola headquarters all summer aren't natural, and probably aren't healthy to breathe either. And something does seem to be driving previously healthy individuals away. But what could the poisonous air, this tricky toxic waste be? And where is it coming from? It's been accumulating all summer without official government commentary.

In other news, you've had enough to eat today

For now our Glorious Purple Overlords are refusing to acknowledge the existence of the radioactive gas that is slowly creeping into the ventilation system, telling everyone things like "The manager has lots of options on the bench," "Contracts must be respected," and "Have you ever really looked at your hand? I mean, really looked at your hand?"

Whatever the cause, the rapidly decaying particles that make up part of the venomous entity have grown in number as the summer has gone on, and the aforementioned particles seem to be quite aware that the Serie A team Fiorentina now appear to be quite shorthanded in defense and with a paltry bench for three competitions and supposedly lofty ambitions. "How can we still not have a right back?!?" mutter the sneaky but highly radioactive miracles of science.

Anyways, it's all probably nothing. After all, the Viola faithful in the house have already smiled and laughed off the "bad blood" of the summer after that Milan win. Right?

via GIPHY

At press time at least one mutation had been reported nope that's just Roncaglia.

THE LATEST

As mentioned above, the summer transfer window closed with an inhuman screech this evening! We will recap the Fiorentina action soon, but you can also catch up with all of Europe's big dealings here.

The Viola added an exciting player with a really incredibly hard to spell last name.

Joaquin has officially gone to Real Betis, and no one is very happy about it. Except maybe him. And Betis. Also Basanta left, and no one knows who will play defense if anyone gets injured.

If you missed the news on where the buck now stops around this blog, you should check out this fanpost. And please now direct all complaints about the BGW to Chloe (compliments can still go to Lorenzo.Is.Awesome@askjeeves.fake)

RECOMMENDED

Chloe rounded up one of the weirder stories in this end of the transfer window, which was the brief but torrid Viola interest in Mexes.

The Viola had a birthday! We celebrated by signing an old Spanish midfielder who was playing in the United Arab Emirates.

Remember last week? Ah innocent times. Well we got drawn in the same Europa League group as Mr. Sousa's old club FC Basel.

COMMENT OF THE WEEK

Yes it's biased, but I did quite enjoy the exchange that resulted from mentioning the day's Taylor Swift theme in the first Kuba rumor thread.

t swift

I am sleepy now from the fumes but you guys are great. Here's to a great season despite a somewhat awful and toxin-laced summer. Forza viola!