BatiGol Weekly Ed. 4: New Jersey

Most big European clubs are walking, talking reality television programs, to be fair. The European, financially flush, and muscle-filled universe of professional club soccerball lends itself rather well to parallels with similarly sometimes-foreign, often rich, definitely attractive people with funny haircuts featured in programs about... what are reality shows about, exactly?

This season, the Viola producers are pulling out all the stops. They've been threatening lawsuits while not doing much of anything, shipping off friends while hiring assistants, and now there's some totally bizarre spat between Andrea Della Valle and the Florentine press, which I don't understand at all. Seriously, does anyone understand what's been going on there? Please inform me in the comments.

Add into the mix splashy but slightly confusing moves like Savic to Atletico (ti vogliamo bene Stefan), and I am wondering what's next. Is Paulo Sousa's mother going to turn out to be a plastic surgery-filled crone full of hilarious but sometimes-racist witticisms? Will Gonzalo's local girlfriend who is an ice cream shop owner get pregnant? Will - wait that second one actually happened. I think.

Anyways, it's clearly fitting that, in this epic season of faux television, Fiorentina has now made the pilgrimage to the Mecca of reality television: New Jersey. And am I enjoying it? Not at all.

Well actually, maybe I am enjoying it some. Just kind of enjoying it. After all, drama is entertaining, and you can't be a Fiorentina fan without hating yourself a little bit. Now if the Viola can add a shiny signing or two to go with all of these nose jobs, then we will really have something to celebrate. In the meantime, the next episode is on soon so let's continue to eat Cheese Nips on the sofa in our underwear.

That's right everyone, give it up for the one, the only... New Jersey

THE LATEST

The Viola sold a mustache for a lot of money and another player. Unfortunately they had to include quite-good defender Stefan Savic in the deal.

The weird Mario Gomez - Mattia Destro thing is still swirling around.

Giuseppe Rossi returned to the field in some style against Carpi. And what did we do? Something boring probably, like writing about the match.

Intimidating Argentine Facundo Roncaglia wants to leave Fiorentina for Olympique de Marseille, but the Viola aren't letting him go quite yet.

RECOMMENDED

The only mandatory reading ahead of tomorrow's match is Huw's brilliant International Champions Cup preview. Do it.

Unfortunately, Tito's analysis of last year's attack was the last installment in his excellent three-part series. Fortunately, it might have been the best one of the bunch.

Nolan looked at Chelsea's many talented players who will be looking for minutes on loan this coming season, and who would maybe fit in Florence.

COMMENT OF THE WEEK

Love a bit of comment section Photoshop. This week's gem from the almighty europop2005 on the Fiorentina vs. Carpi thread:

Honorable mention has to be Huw noticing how many new signings were in the Fiorentina picture tweeted from the plane to the United States.

Please tell me how totally underrated New Jersey is in the comments below, to which I will respond with by nodding absently and recalling that one time I was in Hoboken and "it wasn't bad." And today, I'll see some of you at O'Donnel's!