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BatiGol Weekly Ed. 3: Fantasy (Not) Football !!!!1!!!11!

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Your weekly Monday newsletter arrives a little late because it was daydreaming of scantily clad woodland nymphs

A totally real creature, earlier. Photo
A totally real creature, earlier. Photo
Alexander Koerner/Getty Images

T'is the season everybody. But not for jingly jangly sleigh bell rides with a fictional person who practices breaking and entering with the "purest of intentions." What a creep.

No it's FANTASY season everyone! Sure, we haven't signed anyone yet. And sure, the Salah thing is still f&%$ing going on. But the youngsters totally thrashed some nobodies! And with that tiny, tiny, insignificant friendly, we did learn the true meaning of the summer transfer season: hope. Or, to put it another way delusion, optimism. Now we can again look on the fantastical bright side.

I am of course, the guiltiest of this, as I am convinced from flashes of brilliance against bad Europa League opposition that Federico Bernardeschi is the second coming of Anselmo Robbiati, but way way better. Keep all the youngsters, lock the doors to offers from anyone else, and watch our homegrown, pesticide-free talent carry us to victory like frisky dolphins heading towards tropical mating waters!

Unicorns are real. And Rebic is the next big thing

The Italian media certainly haven't had a problem doing that optimism thing for us, first rumoring that mustachioed total creep Stefan Savic was going to be sold, then mooting that the golden boy of Italy - Mario Balotelli - will come be the savior of Florence for essentially peanuts! What fun! What joy! What a sunny golden paradise we are lucky enough to be vacationing in!

I mean, if you wanted a sign to think that "the times, they are a-changin," as Prince probably said, then look no further than braces from Michele Camporese and Ante Rebic to kick off the summer. So don't be afraid, dear Nation. The sun has come out. And you are going to look GREAT at the beach. Not self-conscious at all, no. Even though you haven't been to the gym since... Hmm... Regardless, a miraculous physique. Your mom is so proud.

Thanks for the fever dream July. Thank you Sports Mediaset. Thank you Tancredi Palmeri. Thank you Santa.

THE LATEST

Mario Gomez might actually be leaving, and not in some bizarre swap deal for Mario Balotelli. More tomorrow (Tuesday).

Fiorentina are still "chasing" Gremio's Walace, and have submitted a fresh bid. And by "chasing" we mean, puttering towards Walace with their walker, muttering obscenities about "whippersnappers."

Club captain Manuel Pasqual joined the Moena retreat today, and gave a brief interview tempering doubts from commentators, unwittingly making those same doubts multiply by mentioning that Gomez and Giuseppe Rossi will "feel like new signings" ... Unicorns! So many unicorns.

The Viola should soon officially have a new second (?) string keeper on loan as Napoli's Luigi Sepe is due to join this week.

RECOMMENDED

The Tito's statistical analysis of last season's team remains must-read material. In this week's edition, he had praise for Milan Badelj and ... sort-of praise for Jasmin Kurtic.

If you haven't read Gonzalo Rodriguez's interview where he totally shrugs off the whole Mohammed Salah issue, you should.

Just because I loved the weirdness of Ryder Matos playing sizable minutes under Vincenzo Montella, remember that you now have a reason to watch Carpi this season.

COMMENT OF THE WEEK

This really sweet Major League reference from Drew, from the Baselli-is-totally-not-coming-to-Florence-offiicially post.

major league

What can we say, it's the season for dreaming! More mash ups of Fiorentina and not-really-popular movies please!