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Post-Mortem: Fiorentina embarrassed by penultimate Cagliari

A special loss demands a special match report

By LorenzoCalcio
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Gabriele Maltinti/Getty Images

FIORENTINA 1 - Cagliari 3

Decedent: Fiorentina's 2014/15 Serie A campaign dreams

Occupation: Providing delusion to large groups of Florentine or Florentine-loving supporters

Type of death: Suddenly when in apparent health, over the course of a month

Time of death: 94', Round 32

Description of body: Partly clothed. Hair: Borja Valero. Eyes: Unseeing. Weight: Vargas. Height: Salah. Beard: None. Mustache: Savic. Body temp: Tomovic's crossing. Rigor: 24 hours (approx).

Marks and wounds: Mostly self-inflicted. Gashes across the center from counterattacks, wide areas overworked with little end product. Base of team in total confusion when corpse found. Blood found lacking in confidence, determination, motivation, and shots on target. Whistles at full time left additional marks.

Probable cause of death: Sudden illness, potential poison introduced into the system (awaiting lab report). Evidence of self harm has already been noted. Examiner would like to note that while the actions of the decedent were perhaps not motivated by a suicidal impulse, decisions were certainly taken with little concern for the overall health of the league campaign. Definite involvement of one or other foreign objects or assailants in inflicting harm, but it appears that they would have been too far down the league table to seriously damage an apparently healthy team in their own house. Body appears to have rotated key components into disorder. The team is sitting down with the coach for several hours today to more specifically ascertain the cause of death and complete the lab report.

Manner of death: Unknown / Pending

Examiner comments:

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