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Massively Misleading Mondays


After a week which saw Fiorentina poach off a handful of promising youngsters, and being linked to half the teenage population of Brasil, Argentina, and parts of Eastern Europe, 'The Pants' finally seems to want to concentrate on players that have gone at least three straight months without having wet dreams. Provided they haven't been checking out Martha's WAG Watch.

As always, Corvino is on the lookout for a top winger to put at Prandelli's disposal, with Mark Gonzalez, Ricardo Quaresma, and Maxi Rodriguez at the top of his wish lists. What I don't really understand is whether they would try get one of those three even if Obinna does come, which is looking pretty likely at the moment (I know I've being saying that for the last week, work with me here). So, here's the current situation of these three Viola targets.

  • Mark Gonzalez: Real Betis just bought him. Let's see if the rumors die down over the next few weeks.
  • Ricardo Quaresma: Real will be after him if they fail to get Robben. Even though it's improbable that they'll miss out on the Dutch Wonderboy (and the German Mercenary, for that matter), We must remember that Chelsea is also on Quaresma's tail, probably to pick him up in case Robben leaves. Plus, Ricardo costs 25m, while Fiorentina's budget, as far as I know, does not exceed 20m.
  • Maxi Rodriguez: Most sources indicate he could be the surprise Pantaleo had in store for this summer, and has the moolah to back it up. 18 million euros, however, is not enough to satisfy Atletico Madrid, who, after selling Fan-Favorite Fernando Torres for, what was it, 40 million? Obviously do not need money, and are unwilling to sell another of their prized players unless tempted by a Real (haha, get it?) offer. Even if an agreement were reached, however, there would be too many obstacles for the player's contract negotiations.

This is what I imagine would happen, more or less:

Maxi: I am happy for the opportunity to wear the Fiorentina jersey for seasons to come.

Pantaleo: So are we, Maxi, so are we. Why don't we sign the contract and make it official, eh?

Maxi:(reads contract) What's that?

Pantaleo: What?

Maxi: That number, right there.

Pantaleo: Well, that's how much you're getting paid.

Maxi:(stares at him in disbelief, then laughs uproariously)

Pantaleo: (laughs hesitantly)

I'm uh, I'm not kidding.

So let's get Victor and avoid the embarrassment, okay?